Alicia: I get the romance. I need a plan. […] Poetry’s easy; it’s the parent-teacher conferences that are hard.
Will: My plan is I love you. Okay? I’ve probably loved you ever since Georgetown.
The above quotes, taken from the season 1 finale/season 2 premiere, speak volumes about the Will/Alicia relationship and the differing ways they view their future.
This is a very well written alternate perspective of Will and Alicia’s journey so far. I’ve considered Alicia using Will for sex as the only thing she wants out of him . But I think she’s is mostly in denial. She may not be The Good Wife, but if her actions have shown us anything these past 5 years, there is no doubt that she wants to be. And that involves de-rationalizing her love for Will. She only allowed herself to see what she had with Will as “hot animalistic sex” (as Owen so eloquently put it in S3 I think or early S4, and to which Alicia agreed) because the alternative would be that she was in love with him. Which she can’t be, because she’s married to Peter and has two kids and doesn’t want to be her mother etc. And even with the “we had a good thing” and “I don’t know how to stop” scenes in Season 4, I think Alicia still thinks it’s just sex because it’s probably easier to pretend she’s not in love than to face the fact she’s in love and then not choose Will.
Also to answer my own question, I cite Victoria spilling the beans about AP’s marriage. We don’t have 100% confirmation (when do we ever, especially when it comes to anything that happened before Season 1), but I’m convinced she partly married Peter because she got knocked up. She grew to love him, sure. But I can see how she could admit what she did to will on the balcony.
Children are fulfilling, but dismissing Alicia’s confession as a huge “MAYBE SHE DIDN’T EVEN SAY THAT WILL STOP MAKING THINGS UP” is sort of like saying that nothing else, ESPECIALLY not the love of a man, can make her feel equally happy. I think there are things in the world that could. It would be hard, but it could happen. Romantic love exists before the children. The love that normally begets children could be just as strong as love for a child.
It’s sort of an awful thing to correlate, but I think Alicia uses her children to hide from passion. When you think about it, Zach could have been part of the main reason—not total love—that Peter and Alicia got married, and Grace was the catalyst for Will and Alicia to separate. Sure they had their problems here and there, and I ultimately think ending the affair happened for the best because it allowed Alicia to go out on her own. And it could even lead to the push they both need to fucking talk about their feelings like normal peoplefsjadlgj.